An Explanation

I think I've have mentioned enough times in this space what a jackass I am. It shouldn't be a shock to anyone. Especially if you've met me.
If, however, you'd also had the pleasure of meeting my family, you would understand why. Ask my girl J. She knows. I have already threatened to have my aunt come to her baby shower. This is the same aunt that was showing pics on her cell phone to everyone at my Christmas party one year. I believe they were pictures on something gross. Probably involving a penis. This is especially entertaining if you know that my aunt is a lesbian. I just think that having her at the baby shower to show gross cell phone pictures and tell stories about work might be fun. Oh. Those work stories? They're really fun. See, she works at the prison.
It has been said that you never know what my mom is going to say next. I thought I'd give a little example of the bad (but hilarious) influence my mom has on the people she meets.
The house my parents live in now is a custom home. They owned a piece of property and built this house before the big boom hit. They had few neighbors when they moved in. Just across the street is a nice lesbian couple with twin boys. One of the women is named Nancy and I can't remember the other one's name. (More proof of what a jackass I am. I only remember Nancy's name because I refer to my youngest brother as Nancy). Anyway, they've lived there for a while longer than my parents and know everyone in the hood. In the other direction lives a family of assholes. Seriously. They're psycho. I could get into stories but I don't have time. My mom calls the lesbian couple by their names. Totally likes them because they're great neighbors and are very sweet. The family is a different story. I don't think anyone likes them. The wife is a big woman and my mom refers to her only as "Fatty Pants." The family is referred to as "Fatty Pants'_____" (fill in the blank with son, husband, whatever. The Fatty Pants name calling may have started around the time that Fatty Pants was working in her yard with her fat ass up in the air and pointed in the direction of my mom's house. I'm not sure.
Anyway, what do the stories of these two neighbors have in common? How about that now the nice ladies across the street can't remember what the other neighbor's name is anymore because they refer to her only as "Fatty Pants" after hearing my mom say it for so long.
People. This is where I get it.