Wednesday, October 28, 2009
This made me cry a little (tears from laughing, of course)
I keep forgetting. Have I mentioned here that I highly recommend "The Bloggess?" She has a few blogs and they are all hilarious. She is the person that posted this video on Twitter and that's where I saw it.
She had me laughing when things were so very crappy here recently.
Friday, October 23, 2009
NOT granny panties.
My youngest came walking into the kitchen tonight wearing a pair of my underwear around his neck like a scarf.
Should I write down these events in a journal for him to show his future therapist?
Should I write down these events in a journal for him to show his future therapist?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
A fun tidbit about me.
I once bought a climbing rose plant for our yard just because it was called "Golden Showers."
Now you know.
More tidbits to come.
Now you know.
More tidbits to come.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Still Alive
I'm still here, just haven't had much to talk about.
Things for me are a little better, I guess. I'm not needing to take anything to make me sleep at night, so that's nice. I'm still stressed, and when the boy is here it's miserable, but what can you do?
Why is it miserable? His attitude. My attitude. His being cruel to his brothers that just miss him and want to be around him (although I can't figure out why because he's a total jackass to them).
The kids are all out of school for two weeks for Fall break. It's not been bad. Tucker wants to play with them, but they've gotten into video games (he can't play) and if not playing video games, they want to be out front playing. We have a nice back yard with a playset, but they'd rather be out front. Tucker can't be out there alone (and especially without pants on) so that's a no go too.
What was that about Tucker not wearing pants? Yeah. He's still potty training. He's just got to decide to do it, really. He's totally ready, and will go on the potty perfectly for days in a row, then the next thing you know he's pooping and peeing everywhere. It's like it's not worth his time to walk into the bathroom, so he just goes where he's standing. Then, sometimes he acts all freaked out about pooping on the potty and doesn't want to do it. But he can do it and he has!
That kid will be the death of me.
Other things have been keeping me busy, but I'll try to post more later. Just wanted to give a quick update.
I should really get my fat booty off the computer.
Things for me are a little better, I guess. I'm not needing to take anything to make me sleep at night, so that's nice. I'm still stressed, and when the boy is here it's miserable, but what can you do?
Why is it miserable? His attitude. My attitude. His being cruel to his brothers that just miss him and want to be around him (although I can't figure out why because he's a total jackass to them).
The kids are all out of school for two weeks for Fall break. It's not been bad. Tucker wants to play with them, but they've gotten into video games (he can't play) and if not playing video games, they want to be out front playing. We have a nice back yard with a playset, but they'd rather be out front. Tucker can't be out there alone (and especially without pants on) so that's a no go too.
What was that about Tucker not wearing pants? Yeah. He's still potty training. He's just got to decide to do it, really. He's totally ready, and will go on the potty perfectly for days in a row, then the next thing you know he's pooping and peeing everywhere. It's like it's not worth his time to walk into the bathroom, so he just goes where he's standing. Then, sometimes he acts all freaked out about pooping on the potty and doesn't want to do it. But he can do it and he has!
That kid will be the death of me.
Other things have been keeping me busy, but I'll try to post more later. Just wanted to give a quick update.
I should really get my fat booty off the computer.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Let's talk about something else.
Instead of being flat-out depressing, I thought I'd ask for tips on saving money on our grocery bills.
The groceries are the last thing that we're trying to really cut back on. Not that we have been extravagant or anything, but there is not a specific budget for food. It's just whatever we have left over, even if that's nothing.
Other things we've done to save money:
1. Loan modification- our current payment is less than half of what it was when we bough the house, but it's not completely final yet. We don't know what they're going to decide the payment is going to be permanently.
2. Got rid of our second car- This saved us over $500 a month just on the car payment. Throw in the savings on gas and insurance as well.
3. Power- The thermostat is kept at 80 degrees all day. It's awful for me. My temp runs high all the time and 80 is just gross in the house. Normally the highest I would have kept it at was 78, tops. We also don't crank the air down at night to sleep. I'm sure it's helping the bill, but it's adding to the trouble I'm having sleeping at night. We've been using CF bulbs for a long time, so that's not a big deal, but I am baking more because it's one way that I'm hoping we can cut back on our grocery bill.
4. Spending- um, we just don't. I don't buy things for my hobbies. We haven't gone on a vacation in who knows how long. (I don't really care about that. Not big on spending a bunch of money on something I don't get to keep. Memories are nice, but why spend thousands on a vacation when we could spend it on something for the house that we'd use and enjoy every day?) We haven't gone out to eat in forever. When we do, it's for something like Mother's Day or whatever, and we go as part of a group. We don't spend more than $10 a week on fast food, if that. We eliminated all of the pay channels and everything, but we do still have cable. I'm back and forth on that one. When it's 110 outside you don't have much that you can do, so we watch T.V. That may be the next thing to go. The only outings we ever go on are either a trip to the grocery store for food, to the library for books and movies or to go pick up Brenden.
We pay for the car we still have, car and home insurance, health insurance (OUCH), life insurance, the house, power, water, sewer and trash, gas, cable & internet, and cell phones (which includes $10 a month for our home phone). I think that's it.
Is there anything I forgot?
Anyway, it's frustrating because I feel like the more we give up, the more we still struggle. Maybe it feels that way because Glen hasn't been borrowing money (not that I know of, anyway).
I have never budgeted for food. Not that I have never been careful with my money, but that I never saw feeding my family as an optional thing that could be cut back on. Lately I've wondered if we could save money by making our staple foods from scratch. If I bought flower, yeast, sugar, etc., at Costco and made things like bread myself. I know it would be healthier to stick to eating foods from "the outside" of the grocery store anyway. (The way the stores are set up, the outside is usually meats, dairy, fruits and vegetables). The less we buy that's prepackaged, the better, right?
I know a lot of people play the grocery game, but those savings aren't on staples. It's usually medications or cleaning products. Things we don't need. Most of the time I've found that I'm better off buying generic than buying the name brand and using a coupon. It's also difficult because we have one car and it's a gas guzzler. Not going to save by driving all over the place. Also, I know that some of the deals offer coupons off another purchase when you buy something specific, but, again, if it's not something we actually need and will use, it's not really helping. We don't have the money to spend on things we don't need.
A friend sent me an article a while ago about making staples yourself to save money. The things that I would actually make would save us money. Bagels and bread, for example. She also made yogurt and cream cheese, but I don't eat that stuff. Yuck-o. I also thought that I could make us some jam and one batch would probably be enough to last us a year.
Next year I hope to have a garden and that would save money too. We could make our own spaghetti sauce and salsa. Have our own fresh veggies. Good for us and would teach the kids a lot.
What other suggestions and recipes do you all have? I know that we'd save too just by eliminating meat from at least a couple of meals a week. I'm cool with that, but my husband refuses to eat anything that doesn't include dead animal.
For the locals, are there any good farmer's markets? I think that would be another way to go for fruits and veggies, but there aren't a lot of them, and the things like bountiful baskets are out of our price range (plus, we're picky and a lot of it would be wasted, which defeats the purpose).
I would love to hear what anyone else has done and how you keep things affordable for your family.
The groceries are the last thing that we're trying to really cut back on. Not that we have been extravagant or anything, but there is not a specific budget for food. It's just whatever we have left over, even if that's nothing.
Other things we've done to save money:
1. Loan modification- our current payment is less than half of what it was when we bough the house, but it's not completely final yet. We don't know what they're going to decide the payment is going to be permanently.
2. Got rid of our second car- This saved us over $500 a month just on the car payment. Throw in the savings on gas and insurance as well.
3. Power- The thermostat is kept at 80 degrees all day. It's awful for me. My temp runs high all the time and 80 is just gross in the house. Normally the highest I would have kept it at was 78, tops. We also don't crank the air down at night to sleep. I'm sure it's helping the bill, but it's adding to the trouble I'm having sleeping at night. We've been using CF bulbs for a long time, so that's not a big deal, but I am baking more because it's one way that I'm hoping we can cut back on our grocery bill.
4. Spending- um, we just don't. I don't buy things for my hobbies. We haven't gone on a vacation in who knows how long. (I don't really care about that. Not big on spending a bunch of money on something I don't get to keep. Memories are nice, but why spend thousands on a vacation when we could spend it on something for the house that we'd use and enjoy every day?) We haven't gone out to eat in forever. When we do, it's for something like Mother's Day or whatever, and we go as part of a group. We don't spend more than $10 a week on fast food, if that. We eliminated all of the pay channels and everything, but we do still have cable. I'm back and forth on that one. When it's 110 outside you don't have much that you can do, so we watch T.V. That may be the next thing to go. The only outings we ever go on are either a trip to the grocery store for food, to the library for books and movies or to go pick up Brenden.
We pay for the car we still have, car and home insurance, health insurance (OUCH), life insurance, the house, power, water, sewer and trash, gas, cable & internet, and cell phones (which includes $10 a month for our home phone). I think that's it.
Is there anything I forgot?
Anyway, it's frustrating because I feel like the more we give up, the more we still struggle. Maybe it feels that way because Glen hasn't been borrowing money (not that I know of, anyway).
I have never budgeted for food. Not that I have never been careful with my money, but that I never saw feeding my family as an optional thing that could be cut back on. Lately I've wondered if we could save money by making our staple foods from scratch. If I bought flower, yeast, sugar, etc., at Costco and made things like bread myself. I know it would be healthier to stick to eating foods from "the outside" of the grocery store anyway. (The way the stores are set up, the outside is usually meats, dairy, fruits and vegetables). The less we buy that's prepackaged, the better, right?
I know a lot of people play the grocery game, but those savings aren't on staples. It's usually medications or cleaning products. Things we don't need. Most of the time I've found that I'm better off buying generic than buying the name brand and using a coupon. It's also difficult because we have one car and it's a gas guzzler. Not going to save by driving all over the place. Also, I know that some of the deals offer coupons off another purchase when you buy something specific, but, again, if it's not something we actually need and will use, it's not really helping. We don't have the money to spend on things we don't need.
A friend sent me an article a while ago about making staples yourself to save money. The things that I would actually make would save us money. Bagels and bread, for example. She also made yogurt and cream cheese, but I don't eat that stuff. Yuck-o. I also thought that I could make us some jam and one batch would probably be enough to last us a year.
Next year I hope to have a garden and that would save money too. We could make our own spaghetti sauce and salsa. Have our own fresh veggies. Good for us and would teach the kids a lot.
What other suggestions and recipes do you all have? I know that we'd save too just by eliminating meat from at least a couple of meals a week. I'm cool with that, but my husband refuses to eat anything that doesn't include dead animal.
For the locals, are there any good farmer's markets? I think that would be another way to go for fruits and veggies, but there aren't a lot of them, and the things like bountiful baskets are out of our price range (plus, we're picky and a lot of it would be wasted, which defeats the purpose).
I would love to hear what anyone else has done and how you keep things affordable for your family.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
What would you do?
I'm still married. Barely. That seems to be the first thing that I get asked by anyone that reads this or knows what's going on.
What I usually mention is that the things that make me so unhappy are things that have bothered me for a long time and have only gotten worse. It's easy to look past things that bother you when, for the most part, life is good.
Life isn't good anymore, and it's not getting better.
I wonder what anyone else would do in my situation. I have agreed to go to counseling, but the only free counseling he could find is through the courts. Um, maybe you haven't known me for very long, but I have less than no faith in the AZ court system. I've been the victim of a rape, a theft, an assault and just lost my son through this system and the courts here have done nothing but make my life worse.
So, yeah. Not doing anything through the courts. That means no counseling until we can afford it. Considering that we can't afford groceries most weeks and that the kids are wearing torn clothes to school that they've had for years, it'll be a while if there's any counseling. I don't know that it'll still matter. I'm also hurt to think that I've begged for something from him for so long. He's not willing to give me the love, kindness or affection I need, so how will going to a counselor help that? I've never been to a couples counselor, so I don't know. I can't change him, I can only change myself. I'm willing to do things that will make me very unhappy if it means that it would make things better for us, but I'm not willing to be the only one that changes. If I'm telling him exactly what I need and he's not willing to do anything for me, how will someone else telling him to do it help? I really don't know. I am still willing to go, but I just don't know that we'll make it that long.
Many of the things that I need are things that I've begged for for years. I miss feeling loved. I miss being treated like someone that he cares about. I miss feeling happy that we at least have each other and understand each other. I miss having someone that would do as much for me as I would for them. I hate feeling so alone. I hate it that the only hugs and kisses I get are from my baby. I can't force anyone to like me, let alone love me (and I shouldn't have to).
For years I looked past those things. I looked past the fact that I don't get any attention (physical or otherwise). I had a house to take care of (that I couldn't keep up with after having the twins). I had twins in preschool that kept me busy and exhausted. I had hobbies. I had money to buy things to keep me busy. To keep my mind off of things.
The other thing I had? Pills.
Anti-depressants do a lot to help you to not care about things. Anything, really. I didn't get excited about anything. I didn't get sad about anything. I didn't feel much of anything besides tired. It makes it easy to not be bothered by things that would normally hurt you. I was thankful that they would also kill my sex drive because then I didn't have to be hurt as much by being ignored. I didn't have to worry about being turned down because it was very rare that I would think about it. What if I had never taken those pills? Would things have ended a long time ago? What if I still took them? Would I just go back into my own little world where I don't care that I mean nothing to the person I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with?
Again, what would you do?
I've had a physically abusive boyfriend and I don't know that what I went through then was worse than what I'm going through now.
I'm not verbally abused or anything, I'm just treated like nothing. Like if I wasn't around it wouldn't matter. Would you prefer indifference over abuse? I don't know that I do.
I hate being treated like I'm nothing by the person I should be able to trust with anything. It kills me to know that I'm not worth the slightest amount of effort from him. We were fighting last night and he just decided he was done and went to bed. It was unpleasant. It was upsetting him. He just decided that it wasn't worth talking about things with me because he didn't like it and that was that.
This is the problem.
I need something. ANYTHING.
Take some action.
Put up a fight.
Act like you wouldn't be fucking ecstatic if we split up because it would mean more time for you to drink beer and do nothing.
Act like our marriage is a priority in your life.
Act like I'm a priority in your life.
Act like you care whether or not your family is homeless.
Act like you care that your kids already look like they are because they need clothes.
Act like you're trying to support your family.
Act like you care about something besides doing nothing.
Stop saying that you'll do things that you have no intention of doing.
Stop blaming me for the way that I act in response to the way that you treat me. You started the cycle, feel free to stop it.
I need things that I've been begging for for years. I'm tired of begging. I'm tired of being nothing to you. If I mean nothing to you, why are we still together? I need to be loved and you don't love me.
You tell me girls. What would you do?
What I usually mention is that the things that make me so unhappy are things that have bothered me for a long time and have only gotten worse. It's easy to look past things that bother you when, for the most part, life is good.
Life isn't good anymore, and it's not getting better.
I wonder what anyone else would do in my situation. I have agreed to go to counseling, but the only free counseling he could find is through the courts. Um, maybe you haven't known me for very long, but I have less than no faith in the AZ court system. I've been the victim of a rape, a theft, an assault and just lost my son through this system and the courts here have done nothing but make my life worse.
So, yeah. Not doing anything through the courts. That means no counseling until we can afford it. Considering that we can't afford groceries most weeks and that the kids are wearing torn clothes to school that they've had for years, it'll be a while if there's any counseling. I don't know that it'll still matter. I'm also hurt to think that I've begged for something from him for so long. He's not willing to give me the love, kindness or affection I need, so how will going to a counselor help that? I've never been to a couples counselor, so I don't know. I can't change him, I can only change myself. I'm willing to do things that will make me very unhappy if it means that it would make things better for us, but I'm not willing to be the only one that changes. If I'm telling him exactly what I need and he's not willing to do anything for me, how will someone else telling him to do it help? I really don't know. I am still willing to go, but I just don't know that we'll make it that long.
Many of the things that I need are things that I've begged for for years. I miss feeling loved. I miss being treated like someone that he cares about. I miss feeling happy that we at least have each other and understand each other. I miss having someone that would do as much for me as I would for them. I hate feeling so alone. I hate it that the only hugs and kisses I get are from my baby. I can't force anyone to like me, let alone love me (and I shouldn't have to).
For years I looked past those things. I looked past the fact that I don't get any attention (physical or otherwise). I had a house to take care of (that I couldn't keep up with after having the twins). I had twins in preschool that kept me busy and exhausted. I had hobbies. I had money to buy things to keep me busy. To keep my mind off of things.
The other thing I had? Pills.
Anti-depressants do a lot to help you to not care about things. Anything, really. I didn't get excited about anything. I didn't get sad about anything. I didn't feel much of anything besides tired. It makes it easy to not be bothered by things that would normally hurt you. I was thankful that they would also kill my sex drive because then I didn't have to be hurt as much by being ignored. I didn't have to worry about being turned down because it was very rare that I would think about it. What if I had never taken those pills? Would things have ended a long time ago? What if I still took them? Would I just go back into my own little world where I don't care that I mean nothing to the person I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with?
Again, what would you do?
I've had a physically abusive boyfriend and I don't know that what I went through then was worse than what I'm going through now.
I'm not verbally abused or anything, I'm just treated like nothing. Like if I wasn't around it wouldn't matter. Would you prefer indifference over abuse? I don't know that I do.
I hate being treated like I'm nothing by the person I should be able to trust with anything. It kills me to know that I'm not worth the slightest amount of effort from him. We were fighting last night and he just decided he was done and went to bed. It was unpleasant. It was upsetting him. He just decided that it wasn't worth talking about things with me because he didn't like it and that was that.
This is the problem.
I need something. ANYTHING.
Take some action.
Put up a fight.
Act like you wouldn't be fucking ecstatic if we split up because it would mean more time for you to drink beer and do nothing.
Act like our marriage is a priority in your life.
Act like I'm a priority in your life.
Act like you care whether or not your family is homeless.
Act like you care that your kids already look like they are because they need clothes.
Act like you're trying to support your family.
Act like you care about something besides doing nothing.
Stop saying that you'll do things that you have no intention of doing.
Stop blaming me for the way that I act in response to the way that you treat me. You started the cycle, feel free to stop it.
I need things that I've been begging for for years. I'm tired of begging. I'm tired of being nothing to you. If I mean nothing to you, why are we still together? I need to be loved and you don't love me.
You tell me girls. What would you do?
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Just when you think things can't get any worse...
So. I lost custody of my son this week.
I don't know that I can fully explain how I feel. The day of the hearing? Shock. Since then? Anger. Sadness. More shock.
How shitty of a mother do I have to be to lose my son? I mean, everything Harold said on the stand and in the papers he filed was a lie, but that didn't matter to the judge. He ignored literally everything I said. Everything!
I never called the police. Harold called them before we came to his house (with plenty of notice) to pick Brenden up.
"You should not have called the police."-Judge
I only agreed to a one year trial of Brenden living over there, and it was because he was struggling in middle school. (At their house he would still be in elementary school).
Jessica agreed to having Brenden permanently come live with me."-Harold
That's just the tip of the iceberg.
Like I said, the judge believed EVERYTHING Harold said and ignored every word that came out of my mouth.
Not only does Brenden go to school over there now, but I am babysitting him every other weekend and for four hours on the Sundays when it's not my weekend.
I could not have been more completely fucked.
I just can't believe that this is happening.
I'm furious with myself. If I hadn't looked out for Brenden when he was struggling with school, I wouldn't be losing him now. If I hadn't trusted my husband to choose the lawyer I wouldn't have gotten such an idiot. If. If. If.
And our lawyer? Wow. I didn't feel good about him when we met him. His office was filthy and smelly and in the ghetto. He's very smug. Thinks he knows everything. The day of the hearing? He smells like a mixture of cigarette smoke and ass. Looks filthy. Hair not combed. Suit dirty. Doesn't seem to remember the things we talked about. We get into the court room and he pulls out this little file with mostly just the various papers that I gave him that showed that Brenden had done very well while living with us. No pen. No paper to take notes. Nothing written down that he needed to cover. Nothing for me to write things down on. No preparation.
Big shocker that I got my kid taken away.
When I saw the way that Glen was treating this, I knew that things between us would be over once I lost Brenden. I tend to be very stupidly optimistic at the most ridiculous times, so I let myself think for a while that things would work out. I always want to think that things will work out the way they should. I'm an idiot like that. But now he's gone and I don't know how to handle things.
Jackass keeps suggesting that we go to counseling. Really? We don't have money for groceries this week. Let's go to counseling. That will bring my son back and solve all my problems. Who says we have to feed the kids?
We're the perfect example of the people that don't get divorced because they can't afford to.
I need to finish all my freaking testing so I can get my license, but I can't think straight. Last night I took a few melatonin, hoping that they would help me sleep. It did, for a least a little while, so that was nice. The night before last I was up all night. I can't stop crying. I think of myself at 19. Pregnant and scared out of my mind, but still sure that I wanted him. Having him and bringing him home. Seeing him smile for the first time. It was so amazing that it made me cry. He was such a sweet baby. So happy. I just keep trying to figure out what I did wrong. Am I really being punished for trying to help him to better in school?
I do know that I can't handle another year (let alone a lifetime) of only seeing him every other weekend. We have a trial in April. From what I understand it'll probably just be the judge making all these orders permanent. I can't handle that either. If he won't let me be Brenden's mom, I think I'll have to ask him to not force me to be his babysitter. Mothers don't raise their kids every other weekend and for four hours on Sundays.
I just feel like a complete failure. I failed him. What else could I give? What else can I give? I don't know what I did wrong while raising him. I'm afraid that Glen will do the same thing when we get divorced and that I'll lose them all. That's another reason why I'm not in a hurry to start that process. My kids are everything to me.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know that I can fully explain how I feel. The day of the hearing? Shock. Since then? Anger. Sadness. More shock.
How shitty of a mother do I have to be to lose my son? I mean, everything Harold said on the stand and in the papers he filed was a lie, but that didn't matter to the judge. He ignored literally everything I said. Everything!
I never called the police. Harold called them before we came to his house (with plenty of notice) to pick Brenden up.
"You should not have called the police."-Judge
I only agreed to a one year trial of Brenden living over there, and it was because he was struggling in middle school. (At their house he would still be in elementary school).
Jessica agreed to having Brenden permanently come live with me."-Harold
That's just the tip of the iceberg.
Like I said, the judge believed EVERYTHING Harold said and ignored every word that came out of my mouth.
Not only does Brenden go to school over there now, but I am babysitting him every other weekend and for four hours on the Sundays when it's not my weekend.
I could not have been more completely fucked.
I just can't believe that this is happening.
I'm furious with myself. If I hadn't looked out for Brenden when he was struggling with school, I wouldn't be losing him now. If I hadn't trusted my husband to choose the lawyer I wouldn't have gotten such an idiot. If. If. If.
And our lawyer? Wow. I didn't feel good about him when we met him. His office was filthy and smelly and in the ghetto. He's very smug. Thinks he knows everything. The day of the hearing? He smells like a mixture of cigarette smoke and ass. Looks filthy. Hair not combed. Suit dirty. Doesn't seem to remember the things we talked about. We get into the court room and he pulls out this little file with mostly just the various papers that I gave him that showed that Brenden had done very well while living with us. No pen. No paper to take notes. Nothing written down that he needed to cover. Nothing for me to write things down on. No preparation.
Big shocker that I got my kid taken away.
When I saw the way that Glen was treating this, I knew that things between us would be over once I lost Brenden. I tend to be very stupidly optimistic at the most ridiculous times, so I let myself think for a while that things would work out. I always want to think that things will work out the way they should. I'm an idiot like that. But now he's gone and I don't know how to handle things.
Jackass keeps suggesting that we go to counseling. Really? We don't have money for groceries this week. Let's go to counseling. That will bring my son back and solve all my problems. Who says we have to feed the kids?
We're the perfect example of the people that don't get divorced because they can't afford to.
I need to finish all my freaking testing so I can get my license, but I can't think straight. Last night I took a few melatonin, hoping that they would help me sleep. It did, for a least a little while, so that was nice. The night before last I was up all night. I can't stop crying. I think of myself at 19. Pregnant and scared out of my mind, but still sure that I wanted him. Having him and bringing him home. Seeing him smile for the first time. It was so amazing that it made me cry. He was such a sweet baby. So happy. I just keep trying to figure out what I did wrong. Am I really being punished for trying to help him to better in school?
I do know that I can't handle another year (let alone a lifetime) of only seeing him every other weekend. We have a trial in April. From what I understand it'll probably just be the judge making all these orders permanent. I can't handle that either. If he won't let me be Brenden's mom, I think I'll have to ask him to not force me to be his babysitter. Mothers don't raise their kids every other weekend and for four hours on Sundays.
I just feel like a complete failure. I failed him. What else could I give? What else can I give? I don't know what I did wrong while raising him. I'm afraid that Glen will do the same thing when we get divorced and that I'll lose them all. That's another reason why I'm not in a hurry to start that process. My kids are everything to me.
I don't know what to do.
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